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Communication: The Key To Better Relationships
By Matk Webb
Communication is a very important part of our daily lives. The skills we
use to communicate will greatly determine our level of personal
happiness and fulfillment. Effective communication makes our lives work.
It helps us make and keep friends. It helps us become successful within
our work.
Sometimes, however, the role models we need to learn the proper skills
for good communication are not available and problems may begin and
persist without these skills. By modeling the basic techniques, we can
teach future generations how to develop healthier relationships.
One of the biggest ways to turn persons off is through body language.
Our nonverbal messages disclose much information about feelings, our
attitudes, and ourselves. By increasing awareness of our body language,
we can convey to others our interests and likings, which we in turn want
to receive. We can do this by finding a close distance in which we can
talk and interact comfortably and by maintaining eye contact, which
conveys sincerity, smiling, leaning forward when we speak, uncrossing
arms and legs and allowing expressions to show.
Self disclosure is an important part of communication. It adds
excitement and develops intimacy within our relationships because we are
communicating information about ourselves. The risk of self disclosure
will lead our relationships to the level of intimacy that we desire.
Some suggestions for this area:
 Practice sharing factual information about
ourselves. When comfortable with this, move on to the next step.
Share your thoughts, feelings, and needs but only
about the past or future, such as your beliefs, hopes or thoughts on
the future.
From here share your feelings and needs on a “here
and now” basis. This will involve saying what attracts us to the
other person, saying
what we like and dislike about their behavior.
This is the most difficult level of disclosure but also the most
satisfying. When we risk sharing
our true feelings, we can become
closer to others and create stronger bonds.
Other things to keep in mind when disclosing include:
Preparing ahead of time on what we think, feel and
want within our relationship.
Being positive.
Taking responsibility for our position by using “I”
messages, such as “I think”, “I want”, “I feel” and not using “You”
messages such as “You
always” or “You never”. This puts the other
person on the defensive.
Listening is another important part of communication.
It is our ability to listen that makes and keeps relationships going.
When we show others that we are good listeners, they are drawn to us. By
taking the time to listen, we learn to understand others. Listening is a
commitment to the understanding of how others see things. It is also a
compliment to others because we are telling them we care. Listening
however does not mean we have to sit still with our mouths shut.
Listening involves active participation.
Helpful suggestions for healthy listening skills
include:
moving away from distractions.
leaning forward.
maintaining good eye contact.
nodding and paraphrasing.
asking questions.
committing yourself to understanding the other
person’s viewpoint.
The only way to learn these skills is by using them. It may feel awkward
using these techniques at first but as we continue to work at them, they
become second nature. The benefits we will gain from these skills will
convince us that it is worth the initial discomfort.
Mark Webb is the author of How To Be A Great Partner and founder of
Partner Focused Relationships™. Sign up for Mark Webb’s “Relationship
Strategies” Ezine ($100 Value).
Just visit his website at
www.powerfulrelationshipadvice.com or
www.therelationshipspecialist.com
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