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Built for Comfort, Not for Speed
By Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant
I guess it’s a sure sign of getting older, but I just bought a “comfort
bike.” It has a wide padded seat, handlebars that let me ride almost
upright, and a chocolate dispenser on the handlebars. Okay, maybe not,
but a girl can dream, can’t she? When I ride, with the wind blowing
through my helmet, I feel like I’m seven again, pedaling around the
neighborhood on the old blue Huffy bike I got for my birthday and rode
until my last day of college despite the Huckleberry Hound stickers I
had pasted on the fenders when I was ten.
I’ve had my share of “discomfort bikes.” I bought a ten-speed bike when
I got my first job because it looked aerodynamic and fast. Until I got
on, that is. The only way for that bike to maintain its sleek look was
if I folded my body into an Origami shape and perched motionlessly atop
the ½-wide seat (What is with those seats anyway? Just what part of your
body is supposed to stay aloft on them?). I ended up leaving the bike
sitting the garage for several months, but it seemed sad. Like a mustang
meant to run. To alleviate my guilt, I sold it to a guy who was also
aerodynamic and fast. Which he had proved on our first, and last, date.
Despite the fact that I never used more than three speeds on that
ten-speed bike (primarily because shifting scared me) and the fact that
I lived in one of the flattest places on earth at the time, my next
purchase was an 18-speed mountain bike. Mountain bikes are built for
rugged, adventurous people and I thought having the bike would force me
to become one of those people. But just the opposite happened. After
just two months with me, the bike became wimpy and agoraphobic. Every
time I opened the garage to get my car out, it would flinch in the
sunlight. Soon I was hanging wet laundry from its handlebars and it
looked happier than I’d ever seen it. When I moved, I left that bike in
the apartment – it seemed wrong to try to move it.
I was bike-free for a few years, but then one day I saw a guy riding a
recumbent bike down the street. The bike had a back to it and you rode
in the seated position. Not that I’m a total slob, but the idea of
sitting down while getting my exercise did have some appeal. And the
bike had small tires, so no one could expect me to ride up a mountain or
down a steep trail (and having moved to where there are mountains and
steep trails, I didn’t want to take any chances.) But the best part
about the bike was the guy riding it looked kind of geeky. Now there was
a bicycle style that didn’t intimidate me.
Naturally, I bought that bike and it was great for a while. Especially
once I got past the pointing and staring phase. I wasn’t pointing and
staring; the neighbors were, which slowed down my rides considerably.
Finally, however, people grew accustomed to seeing me on my weird
contraption and just waved or ignored me as I rode by.
I was happy riding that bike as long as no one else was out riding. You
see when your wheels are only 4” tall you have to pedal much, much
faster to go the same speed as someone whose wheels are say, 16” tall.
It wasn’t so bad when the aerodynamic racers passed me or even the
muscular outdoorsmen on their mountain bikes. But when the
kindergartners on their trikes whizzed by at my eye level, I knew my
self esteem wasn’t up for this low-rider of a bike.
Which brings us to my new bike, for which I have high hopes. Primarily
because it doesn’t have high hopes for me. There’s no pressure to be
faster or more athletic than I truly am. And I don’t have to compete
with five-year olds to see who can make it to the cul de sac fastest. I
can just sit there on my nice padded seat (the one that comes with the
bike, not the one that comes with me) and pedal through the neighborhood
looking relaxed and comfortable. My neighbors are jealous. I can see it
in their eyes. They wish it was them with the red rubber horn and the
pink and white streamers in the handlebars!
Leigh Anne Jasheway-Bryant is
a humor writer and speaker who lives in Eugene, Oregon with her husband,
her three wiener dogs and the voices in her head. She is the author of
thirteen books, including I’m Not Getting Older (I’m Getting Better at
Denial), Yoga for Your Funny Bone (winner of a 2007 AATH Book Award),
Laugh Lines are Beautiful, Bedtime Stories for Cats, Bedtime Stories for
Dogs, and Don’t Get Mad, Get Funny. In 2003, she won the Erma Bombeck
Humor Writing Competition for her true story on how her first mammogram
caught on fire. Her first play, Are We There Yet? a comedy about
friendship, betrayal, and reincarnation was produced in 2006 and she's
working on a musical called Yes Mamm! Her first novel is due out by the
end of 2007. She is the host of her own radio program, Women Under the
Influence of Laughter on KOPT 1600 AM (www.kopt.com)
and can be reached through her website,
www.accidentalcomic.com.
In her spare time, she hotflashes.
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